I. Mission statement:
Because a gal has to start somewhere. I started my pretend I.school out of love and frustration. Love of students and frustration with an unjust system. I didn’t know what else to do, so I did what I knew. Teaching. History, philosophy and psychology.
Year 2020. March 13. Ground zero. Enough! 29 years teaching plus 15 plus years as a student myself. I get it. All too well. Crystal. Clear. Now what? Covid puzzles. I started with doing puzzles with purpose. I remember reading WWI soldiers suffering from shell shock were given baskets to weave. One straw at time. Mindless. Easy. Simple. Get the focus off trauma. For a moment, at least. I also knew they were sent back to the trenches after they were data analyzed and deemed ‘fit to return’. Although not the same, the thought of going back to school as is was nauseating. So much so, that I took a turn in a different direction. Unknown origin. But I am an existential philosopher by heart, and existentialism, by definition, IS creating your own existence. With the pre-curser of fate. Not some imagined notion of what life could be like. Like, things will be all better when… When what? When exactly were the ‘good ol days’? I really don’t think people look at the past objectively. It is either ‘the best time in human history’ or ‘ancestors were too stupid to know better’. Both perspectives keep us from reality. Thinking things today are better for___x__ populations. Or “at least we don’t live in ____y_ times!.” How would you know? And, more importantly, how is that serving you? Us? It’s not. Obviously. Psychological wounds include cognitive dissonance. The idea one narrative is what we truly want, while simultaneously Do-ing the exact opposite.
I’m weird. I know. And the past five years I found out how wonderfully weird I am. I have time to think and sleep and compose ideas. All with the purpose of trying to help kids arm themselves with knowledge. Learning outside the prescribed framework. Therefore I began the task of not only starting my own learning framework. I.School. I also realized I needed to help myself. Number one. How can I ask of students what I would not already do myself? So I did. Basics. I found I needed to learn how to sleep, eat, and nourish myself after 55 years. Hard facts were, I was an insomniac for most of my life. My eating has been dis-ordered for as long as I can remember and I didn’t have time to nourish healthy relationships. Starting with I. You all know there is just no time for that. No time for the basics. So I started with puzzles. Not to simply pass time to get “back to normal” after covid, but to really think about what it was that I want to do with the rest of my life. Take advantage of the situation before the situation takes advantage of me. Again. And how in the heck am I supposed to do that? Basics.
2021. Year One. What do I need today? (What do kids need?) Basics. A ground floor. A foundation. Looking back, it was so personal and raw. I see it like a freshman year of school. Impressionable and vulnerable. Exposed. Step by step. Day by day. Tenderly, and brutal at times. I worked backwards and forwards. I set up an ideal daily schedule. One that I currently was not following, but a- “what if?” What would my dream days look like? Future oriented. Then I did some past digging. “How did I get here?” Sort of questioning. KNOW THYSELF. Are two of the simplest and most difficult, frustrating words I know- yet well worth pursuing for a lifetime. I didn’t know how or what to do, so,
I did what I knew. Selected and narrowed down 10 philosophies I thought I could come back to, as well as provide keys to unexplored doorways for students as needed. A safety net. A soft place to land. Priority number one is to get basic needs met. And that is truly one of the most challenging things I encountered. Realizing I’ve had 50 years of classroom conditioning. The delusion of “oh, I can’t wait to have all that free time,” is not easy. Another lie we hear about imaginary ‘free time’. “Things will be better when __x__ happens.” You mean when everyone agrees with education? Right. Instead of focusing on that dead end, I turned corners. I research and have a passionate drive, but my first priority is to ask myself how I am and what I need. This is not to be talked about. In fact. Be silent as much as you can. Or, at least really listen to yourself. Example: if you find yourself saying, “why don’t they just… “ about school- fill in the blank. Let you sleep, eat, learn? In school. That is not going to happen. The system is working perfectly for another purpose. Interestingly, that is and yet is not my focus. Yes, I am researching education and I will get to that, but my main concern is you. Students out there who Genuinely want to learn.
2022. Year two took me down the NAEP rabbit hole. The National Assessment of Educational Progress. The Nations Report Card. This is what I do. My specialty. I like to read the fine print and such. I wanted to see a root to this manipulated madness. I provided 10 topics for discussion, starting with “what is the purpose of education?” Those resources are there for you to defend a position if needed. But you need a foundation to stand on first. What is it that you would want to defend?
2023. Hierarchies. Triangles. Making connections between two opposites and the tightrope in between. One- the public education lot- (me) wanting to flourish underneath; and two- the business management systems already intrenched, seemingly preventing growth. I want to learn. It is simply amazing to me how difficult that is. I also ate servings of humble pie. Privilege, white woman, American, old. Daily reminders about how good my life is and such. Problem is twofold. One, people don’t know what it is like in my shoes; and two, they are right. There is so much I thought I knew, until I didn’t. How could I have been so blind? I shake my head at some of the mistakes I have made and wonder, how could I have been so misguided? Over and over again, I remember thinking- I was like the mom in one of those moves where the 13 year old daughter and mom mysteriously switch roles and make decisions based on what they both knew, or think they knew what the other did. 13 to 30 part II. Only, if part II is waking up as the mom, in the aftermath what my 13 year old did. On the one hand I am reminded of how much power I have and on the other, I feel so power-less. Which is indeed part of any hierarchy to maintain power. Provide plenty of fuel for chaos. Get people fighting each other so they don’t focus on the match.
2024. Currently building a house. Metaphorically. My senior project of I.School. 10 themes. My favorite part of the past 5 years has been to have the freedom to explore the depths of knowledge. As a kid, I loved to play in my room and create imaginary worlds. All day if I could. Or go outside and create imaginary worlds with friends. All day if I could. Teaching high school for 29 years was similar. We created imaginary worlds of discussions. People who don’t teach will never understand the complexities of that magic. It’s not the grades or the status that mattered to me. Not ever, or at least not in the long run. it was the day to day connections with students. I have a virtual treasure trove of memories with students. Which is motivation to build my house. I.School. My pretend world of make-believe and reality. My web page, from the outside I’d guess looks like a mangled array of thoughts and ideas without direction. That is partly true, honestly. There are no rigorous standards to abide by. Standards with clear direction and order. It looks like order and clearly shows directive, but with what goal? I.school looks like chaos but has a self-guiding compass. Messy, but with purpose. I ask myself, “What would my former students say?” When I get too excited, or too angry or too, too, well, “Newson.” aka me. See? Only people who know me would understand. There is something familial about teaching. It’s a relationship. Good, bad or ugly. No matter what though, I will always stand up for kids. I am on your side! Whether you or not you understand me. Like me or not, I defend your right to learn.
I.School is an idea. A concept. An experiment. If you try to think about this school as a replacement, it is not. Think of it as “off topic” topics in school or out. That is the best explanation I can provide now.
I.school will be open for comments and limited discussions in 2025. Trust my process.
On a personal note: To my former students,
Thank you for giving me the strength and courage to pursue this dream. In my actual dreams, these past five years, I have seen you as superheroes, bus drivers, and gardeners. Helpers for A kinder garden. I’d like to share ideas to your kids now. Pass the torch. I hope that you will be proud of me. I want to do justice for all of you.
The “Newson” aka-
Uberwench
