For K,

Thank you for The Nutcracker Ballet Tickets. I had not been to the Denver Center for the Performing Arts in a long, long time for a ballet performance.  In fact, the last time I can recall seeing The Nutcracker was when I was but a wee-one myself.  Like many little girls, I dreamed of flitting and fluttering in pink tights and tutus. Then to see Clara, approximately my same age, engaging in a relatable bedtime holiday routine- with the exception of dancing human mice, gingerbread soldiers, and a sugar plum fairy set as entourages. Needless to say, scenes were reenacted my childhood bedroom habitually. 

Fast forward a few decades and I am watching you like a dream, a former student, fulfilling her dream. 

Initially, when you approached me at the start of a school year and asked me to be your social studies tutor, I said something unremarkable like “yea, sure.” 

You did not attend high school full time. I did not know you, and you were not even officially registered in my class. Nonetheless you showed up twice a week on my planning time, in my room, on my stage. Later to be my teacher.

You were quiet, incipiently shy and fiercely determined. Focused to complete preposterous graduation “essentials” so you could get on with your passion to dance. Apparently you were required to complete 1.0 credits of ‘either’ US or World History (as if indistinguishable). Advised by your friends to implore “a one I.Newson” as your guide, you came to me. 

I remember you saying something like “my friends told me to ask you, but I think American History would be easier.” As a World History teacher at the time, I think I said something like “well, your friends may be right, but we are going to have a lot more fun in World!”
Topic: “Nineteenth Century Russian Empire.” (Oh, boy).

Now, I could have deviled into the inefficiency of the Russian government due to its great power, blah blah; Or how the isolation of its people and the economic inequities created a call for constitutional reforms .. (history or current events?) Anyway.

Instead I told you a story about what happened to one family. One boy, in particular, being raised under an empire in chaos. 

Long story short, this boy didn’t fit into institutionalized education as a student and he did not join the military like his father. He became a civil servant (a private tutor), and spent the rest of his life composing music. Scores like Swan Lake, and The Nutcracker are among some of his creations. 

Imperialism, nationalism, and militarism are terms to learn, but I thought you might  be more inspired by someone like Tchaikovsky who wrote great works, not because Russia was a great Imperialistic empire, but in spite of it. He defied traditional norms and followed a passion.His passion. Like you did, following your passion. 

You were initially defensive, assuming I would be another teacher shaming your choice to dance instead of going to school “like everyone else”. 

Quite the contrary. I marveled in your defiance. I witnessed intuitively that you would have been The Dying Swan had you remained confined in a desk like an “aerial creature struggling against earthly bonds” as one French critic said of Pavlova (a Russian Dancer, oh, you probably already knew that…). 

I appreciated you not sugar-plum-fairy coating stories of jealousy, sabotage and the literal “cut-throat” atmosphere you endured as a professional dancer.  Sheesh! What drama! Like stories of the Russian Revolutions themselves! I eagerly awaited your perceptions of the sacred behind-the scene world of ballerina battles played out viciously behind the curtain.  

Unbeknownst to you, you are an admirable revolutionary. You chose to dance.  And I can see you rolling your eyes at me right now. You shook your head when I got philosophical. I get it. Not your cup of tea. Not your style of dance. Just pass the test so you can float, fly, and tour en l’air! 

And you did. Most magnificently. 

It was an honor to be your humble servant. Also a bit embarrassing sitting in the front row at the DCPA… sobbing. It’s ok, K, it was a cleansing. A purification. A consequential cost of beholding brightness before me. (I know, I know, there I go again… HA). Wrap it up. K, affter all these years I can report I learned three things from you: one, watching you dance moved me to; two, search for inspiration; starting with three, dance moves. Yep, at 53, a retiree, I dance. Badly, but boldly!! 

I don’t know where you are today. So, You are welcome for the tutelage, and I thank you again for the ballet tickets.  I wish you a metaphoric Grand Jete salute. (?) lol. 

Adieu to you, 

~I.Newson