I tried. badly.
I.School Sneak Preview:
3:51 am
Thursday morning, January 27, 2022.
As I continue to advocate for educational reform with my illformed words, my blueprint for what I believe I.School would look like is slowly taking shape. I.School in session: Student of one.
I know, right?! My own learning playground every day!! I.School, my school. I’ll share more later, but today- just a glimpse of possibilities.
By the way, these are MY school, I.School, High School lessons. All lessons developed will be catered to you- the I, in I school.
writing, writing, writing
Scratch that.
After writing a full page of my actual hour morning routine, I scraped it. I hesitated to post because- It seems to be too good to be true. I feel like I am bragging. Flaunting my good fortune amongst misery; and my inner voices listen to this-
“oh, of course, but you are retired…”
“But I’d be sitting on a beach.” “You are so lame. Ha.”
“Yea, right, just like that, as if.”
“Your day sounds boring, to me. No offense.”
“No offense, but that sounds crazy, “ (in a good way?)
Or “so what, who cares?”
I care! Yes, about me and my well-being and security. And also about the well being of kids. Kids, and adult-kids, like me. Possibly you.
My inner voices are harsh- but based in reality and on actual quotes.
First few weeks of lockdown 2020, I knitted, crocheted, sewed, cooked, baked, painted, drew, wrote and learned. I did it all badly, but I developed skills. I posted pictures to people on my phone and was ghosted. That is how I found out what “ghosted” meant. Looking back it must have looked manic. It was manic. And in my head I was all like-“ I’m free! Get out of jail free card, peoples! I won the lottery.” Sure, sure, in the midst of, well you all know, that whole virus stuff. But I saw an opportunity and seized the day! And month, and year, and right now! speaking of…
Oh, this just in:
“When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
Very often, that person is crazy.” Dave Barry
Thanks H. Oh, did you mean me? as in “Newson, you crazy!!… but in a good way.” I hear that. A lot. (Yes, biological fam, I do acknowledge I am the bad crazy too. Sorry).
I am mostly, bona fide, non-certified, but legitimately crazy. There are reasons for that. Have compassion.
I am partially, self-imposed, illusory insane, too. There are reasons for that. Have confidence. It was a powerful defense mechanism, masterfully implemented. (‘If I do say so myself’…hey, what does that mean?) Anyway,
Who would want to retire and then write some lame blogs? Sure, I ‘could’ retire. Quietly. But I won’t. I can’t. I’m a fighter. The most dangerous kind (ooooh, scared..?). A crazy retired fighter with purpose. Dangerous because I’m all in. I have baskets of time and I have nothing to lose. (Ok, there is more to that last sentence, but I was on a roll.) Pick a purpose, any purpose, and I can show you how by simply focusing on education, you will most assuredly be defending your principles, (not necessarily principals) and your purpose. BONUS- not only you will be shaping current ideas, you will be setting solid groundwork for future generations! You know, that place just beyond ‘just us’?
If it doesn’t work, at least you tried. And in the process you or I just might find more meaningful moments along the way, serendipitously. Mmmmm,
My movie moment of clarity, more than a year ago was this:
Jack Nicholson’s role as R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The shower room scene. McMurphy taunts his colleagues, his “inmates” into escape. One inmate- stuttering Billy Bibbit says, “Mmmm, Mac, you c,c,c,c can’t get out of here!” McMurphy says, “Anybody wanna bet?”
How? By lifting an obviously impossible, marble, industrialized sink, and throwing it out a barred window; Thus creating a doorway, excuse me, a window to walk out of. To go to a bar. To drink a beer. To watch a baseball game. After taking sarcastic, but secured bets from his brethren, Mac clutches the sink. He struggles gloriously, to the point of overexertion. Sweaty and defeated, Mac walks out of the room, parting the victorious, silent, but confused clan, and says:
“Well, I tried didn’t I? God damn it. At least I did that.”
That clicked as a motto for me. Oh, for those (3 is it?) reading, :) or those (ghosts) who do not know how the book or movie ends. I’ll spare you. It’s not good. I can relate to the character, but no, I don’t want to be lobotomized any more than I already have been… Uh, oh! See? I didn’t spare you. Ooops, ‘spoiler alert’ ya all. Focus.
My goals are both lofty and low these days. I have high, fantastically unrealistic dreams, whilst maintaining impossibly low standards. Incredibly, and reluctantly, I am happier. So what?
I started this blog with a ‘schedule’ of what my fictitious I.School might look like. I wrote it down. It is disgustingly optimistic, laced with a superabundance of joy! Even the most challenging of moments creates- moments of creativity. That makes me happy. Who wants that? Who would ever want happiness? Not me.
Want my advice? Wanna be ‘happy’? Stop pursuing ‘happiness’. I.School rule #H.
7:22 am
SNOW!! I.School back in session. Ciao for now.