For A

I remember you coming in to my class, this time of year, about four years ago I’d guess. You said, "Ms. Newson, I am going to leave class today- I am really stressed and I need a break.  I understand I will have an unexcused absence and I am willing to accept that.  I am going to go have some breakfast and slowly enjoy a nice cup of coffee.  I know I didn’t have to tell you, but I am taking a risk and letting you know that I need to take care of me, I thought you would understand.”

Yes, A, I understood and I appreciate you taking care of yourself. I also appreciate you taking the responsibility of “owning” your decision.  So often I witness people wanting it both ways- an excuse- “just let me leave”. “Let me miss a class, let me miss a meeting, a test…” Let you? Who Am I? Who am I to have that power?  

Who has the power? Over you? Over your health? 

There is a slippery slope fallacy creeping in. What if? What if more kids ask.. what if?  One step at a time. How about you? What is going to happen if you really did more to take care of yourself? (But… ) Take a day off? (But, it’s too hard).  Leave a pointless meeting? (But, I’ll get in trouble). Speak your truth?- no, not the reiterative complaints we only say to those who already agree with us, but to speak a truth when it is uncomfortable, like to a ‘superior’, (But, I’ll get made fun of, dissed, reprimanded, or worse- ignored.)

All those things may happen.  So what?  If it is punishment to genuinely take actions to cure the wounded soul, then what the hell are we doing‽ We have way more problems than a diss! 

Hey A, you left my class for one day, many years ago. Question: did you regret it? I know you ended up spending more days off to spend time with your dad who lost his job and had a terminal illness. I’ve thought about him and you. Your face lit up when talking about your dad… anyway-  To answer your question:  No, I do not regret the lunches and off blocks we spent talking about life and death and meaning.  I don’t remember your grade, ok I do, but that does not matter.  My point is- I don’t think I would have such a rich memory of you if our conversations were about median scores and CSAP.  How sad that would that have been?

I hope you are well. You might not have many weirdos you can just say “hey, I’m not coming to class today” to, but I hope you remember feeling- trust, and honesty, and self-compassion.  I do.  That is the lesson you left for me:  You trusted me and I trusted you (I want to be worthy of trust), you were honest and so thoughtful in your articulation! (I want to be more honest), and taking a bold step in self-awareness (brave and rare indeed for anyone.) 

Thank you A! Thanks for the beautiful memory.