Chaos

​"It’s familiar, but unhelpful, to believe that chaos exists only outside of us, “out there” somewhere. And that this chaos “out there” presses in upon our internal lives in an intrusive and disruptive manner. Yet referencing chaos as solely occurring outside of ourselves positions us as passive victims. If we could only trust the grace, beauty, flow and fluidity, which can potentially arise out of chaos, we’d then touch into the boundless possibilities that exist beyond our commonly held misconceptions." Joseph Campbell

For El

In my minds eye I can see you sitting in the front desk just to my left as I looked at the classroom.  I’m not going to lie, your face had a permanent -credulous look each day in Philosophy.  You didn’t speak much but your face was telling.  One day we were talking about Truth and Authenticity, Sartre, I think.  And you raised your hand and coldly said something like this:  “Ms. Newson, you talk about authenticity, but you dye and straiten your hair.”  And I did.  I used to ‘highlight’ my hair and straighten it frequently. 

Your one sentence changed me.  I thought about what you said all the way home that day.  I came to the conclusion you were right.  I may not have liked what you said or how you said it, but you were right El.  I’m glad you and I became friendlier as the semester went on and you began to trust me.  I am also grateful for your comment.  Thanks to you, I stopped coloring my hair, and straighten it only occasionally.  But you spoke the truth, and I listened.  Thank you El. 

For C

I remember after the first two days of my class, you wanted to drop.  I happened to walk into the counselors office while you were explaining why.  I don’t remember what happened that made you come back to class, but it turned out to be a long teacher-student relationship.  A year later, you were calling me mom.  I really liked that. 

I treasure those chats with you and  I am so happy to hear about your new baby girl!  You look so happy and she is precious! My heart!  XXOO to you and she. C.

~mamaNewson

Dis-Orders

Growing up, I watched a lot of TV.  I was exposed to commercials that cleverly instilled marketing tools for kids that got them to spend, beg for toys- and to get fat.

No big mystery to solve when there was an epidemic of eating dis-order’s. Then follow that up with decades of billion dollar diet schemes.

Angry about that? Well, then you are hysterical. You have a mood dis-order.  Just stay calm and carry on.  Anger is not to be tolerated. That is, unless you have the laws on your side- then let the fury unleash! (Thanks radio).

Sad that you are a tool? You now have diagnosed depression due to your inability to adapt (to an intolerable circumstance).

Afraid you are not enough? Take an anxiety pill. It’s you, not me (says big pharm) Shame the individual for taking pain killers- not the promoters.

Drinking? Shame on you. Now enjoy 90% of media that promotes alcohol consumption- in oh so subtle ways…

Feeling ugly? Good. Buy products to perpetuate your self-loathing.  It and you will never ever be enough, without spending, always spending.

Economically sandbagged? Too bad, your fault. Although laws, socio-economic policy, and private banks promotes and obviously perpetuates a galvanizing disparaging money gap- it’s still you. Happy Holidays. Now Go spend. Charge it. 

Confused about science? Perfect.  Let “us” tell you what to do.  Don’t listen to scientists, that’s for dummy’s.  Listen to the big money makers and politicians to decipher facts.

And by “facts”, we mean our interpretation of facts.  Data used for manipulation. 

It’s imbedded:

Athletes? Take the money and run. Do not kneel, do not speak, just bow and nod to owners.

Musicians? Shut up and sing.

Educators? Do not be human, teach to the test. 

Stay Calm, Carry on… for ‘us’. 

Politicians? Say what you want, post threats, get angry, be sad and afraid- but know the laws are in your favor, you are good. 

We clearly go after the abused and not the abuser. The abuser is a vague faceless logo, and ironically we champion ceo’s behind the scene.  “They must be brilliant to make that much money, have that much power”… I hear.  They? Or, the they inherited an empire already under control with fancy lawyers who keep the money hush hush.  but your neighbor, your kids, your friends and family- are faced with the burden of proof.  Go ahead and shame your neighbor, go ahead and blame a friend. Do it unconsciously, so you can rationalize it in the end.  

Don’t fix it.  Just ‘pay’ attention to the dis- Order around.  It’s you, not me, and if it is me, I am a product of this created dis-ordered-ness. 

Fat? Confused? Addicted? “Its’ you, not us!”

Spain will ban advertising of unhealthy foods targeted at kids.  Reuters

“Our children are very vulnerable to advertising and it is our obligation to protect them,” Minister Alberto Garzon on Twitter

“Nine out of ten food advertisements targeted at children are for unhealthy products, according to consumer association OCU.”  And governments are intervening. 

Other countries are taking similar actions to protect kids:

Conversely, in the US, bm’s (business management sorts) continue to hold the kids responsible, not the militant, hyper-aggressive companies profiting off the backs of those kids. And why would the US government intervene?  Because the government is beholden to monetary incentives.  Bm’s and the government are inseparable.

Frustrated parents and teachers will get all kinds of ‘helpful’ tips like: “limit screen time”, “turn off the tv,” “create a bedtime routine to help kids sleep”.  As if!  

BM’s are masters at spinning the blame, guilt and shame at the individuals for “screen addictions”. “It’s you, not me”.  

We point fingers at each other and ourselves.  This creates more anxiety and depression- on top of the piles of negative feelings dumped on by bm’s. 

There is (intended to be) separation of Church and State dating back to the Middle Ages.  The church controlled all learning and it got too powerful. Learning ceased.  But there is no separation of corporation and state in the current era.  Yet, corporations control all learning and they are too powerful. 

Schools are ads within ads within ads surrounded by profiteers of addiction in a coerced and controlled environment. No escape.

Until we start focusing on bm’s influences, and stop blaming each other (and kids!), this will only intensify, if you can imagine that.

Propaganda

Speaking of Freedom, Time and Trust Truth…

Word o’ the week: Propaganda

Or, in America, rebranded and made into a government agency: “The Counsel of Public Relations.” You know, it sounds better.

Ads targeting kids, misleading and false or exaggerated information for the purpose of profits or political endeavors. 


It is estimated that advertisers spend more than $12 billion per year to reach the youth market and that children view more than 40,000 commercials each year. These figures represent dramatic increases over those from the 1970s.  APA.

Is there any place a kid can go and not be manipulated by ads?  

Those who can't...

“Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach. 

_George Bernard Shaw, 1903.

I’m afraid that is true with me.  That scandalous slur is meant to degrade teachers and mock the entire profession.  Thanks GB. Admittedly, you might be right in my case.  

I “do” nothing. But I do nothing really well.  Honestly, I have no skills. I don’t cook well, I don’t sew well, I’m a terrible house-keeper (whatever that means).  I’m not a good driver, writer, artist, or builder.  I don’t do fashion, nails or hair, well.  Oh, I can copy a style, and stick with it, but it’s not what I “do”.  I don’t speak another language. I’m not a scientist, mathematician or engineer.  This is not self-deprecation, this is a testimonial. 

I’m scattered, quirky, weird and crazy, cantankerous and argumentative- but those are not a “do-ing”, more of a be-ing.  I guess reading, researching and being curious can-be-a-do, but I don’t think that is what Shaw had in mind.  It’s also less acceptable to answer “I watched clouds,” to the question, “what did you do today?” 

But what if teaching is what I “do”? Or did? For me, it was the doing of teaching that was the discipline in and of itself.  It was my art form.  In teaching- I was a stand up comedic actor, a storyteller, a listener, a mother-figure, a historian, a disciplinarian, an advocate, a revolutionary, a student, a sage… of sorts.  

3-5 shows a day, 5 days a week.  29.4 years. 

There is no data or detailed algorithms to watching a student ‘click’. Witnessing a person have an insight, an epiphany- seeing a facial expression go from a human do-ing into a human be-ing (see what I did there?) is like describing a cloud.  You can’t define it, but you know what it is when you see it.

Those who can teach,  do wonderful things for those who can’t. 

For J

I will remember you.  You curly haired moppet. Born on this day, gone now but not forgotten.

I see you as a casualty of a sort of modern warfare on the human spirit. Squelching the wild ones!  As promised, I will keep on keepin on.  Avoiding the captain’s seat but still minding the rudder. Steady slow as she goes while others have quick ambitions. 

And now, a moment of Silence… as I miss you.

Remember Remembrance Day.

11.11.18  On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month marked the end of WWI.  No doubt there were celebrations, but more like celebrating in a cemetery. Partying with corpses.  It is/ was not intended to be celebratory, but contemplative. “Lest We Never Forget”. Teach future generations the ghastliness of war as to not repeat history.

Unfortunately, this narrative has changed.  In the US, where there was no real homeland conflict, it was easier to make light of the War when most Americans were not in it. Over time, Remembrance Day in the US became Veteran’s Day- officially declared so, in 1954… Cold War Era. Soldiers were honored and hailed as heroes which played a psychological role in drafting young men into Korea and Vietnam, and later Iraq.  Being portrayed as a hero without the baggage is at the very least misleading.  War movies contributed to this ideology. 

In comparison, the 9-11 world trade center memorial is probably as close as Americans have to a remembrance day. Although there are statues of first responders and dedications to helpers on that day, it is a solemn day.  Never forget.  

Big picture.  This is to be a day to remember horror. Silent revery for senseless suffering.  You may not know war, but you do understand suffering.  Remember the pain of that suffering.  If we do, we may not be so inclined to repeat it.  Masking war in glorified refinery perpetuates bereavement.  

P.T.S.D. Rebranded

When I think of post traumatic stress disorder a few things come to mind. One, George Carlin’s stand up skit about hiding truth in soft language. “Shell Shock”, a condition soldiers were diagnosed with after WWI. two syllables that sound like the guns themselves.  Now we have ptsd- eight syllables and softened. The actual human pain becomes buried under jargon. 

I also think about how, what we think about -become words, words become action, and action becomes habit.  So if we keep thinking of the negative, use negative language, it becomes habit.  PTSD, indefinitely.

Then, one day I was babysitting a 7 year old. She wanted to play “summer camp”.  Ok, I’m in! She insisted I ask her what her profession is, as she was bringing in her kids-aka three year old little sister and invisible baby.  No problem, in character, with my pretend clip board and fake glasses.  I asked- what is it that you do for a living m’am? She pondered, tilted her head to one side, looked at the window and said: “I’m a Princess, Teacher, Superhero, and… Dancer.”  Excellent, I exclaimed. 

P.T.S.D. became my new motto.  I acknowledge I have symptoms of shell shock. Truth. Public education will do it to ya.  Then my mind sways to a new acronym; Princess, indeed, spoiled with ancestry.  Teacher, obviously which makes us all superhero’s, and I dance. PTSD rebranded makes me feel strong, confident, and as vibrant as a seven year old girl.  

True or False?

"More hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion." C. P Snow

There are many versions of the Milgram Shock Experiment- this is one where

3:15 seconds to 3:22 seconds, into the 1960’s Milgram Shock Experiment.  Two exchanges took place and have stuck with me.  The directives of some guy in a white coat saying “Continue Teacher. It is essential that you continue.” and the faint audio response from the volunteer: 

“Ok, but I’m not going to be responsible for it.” 

Milgram conducted this experiment after the Nuremberg Trials when Nazi war criminals used -what will be later known as the infamous Nuremberg defense- that they were all “just following orders.” 

I was teaching AP Psychology and have watched that one particular volunteer clip a hundred times.  There is more to the story in what was behind those experiments but I swear it was downright bone chilling when I would teach this unit-obedience- for Psychology  and then spend a week administering standardized tests- both AP and non AP related.  

Oh, most of us educators complained. I sure did, but I complied.  I have not seen one positive effect of the long institutionalized nationalized standardized tests on kids.  I’ve seen the opposite.  Stressed and shocked from years of high pressure test that virtually did just that- kept kids stressed and shocked and more importantly obedient.  

Just try and point out obvious falsehoods to these corrosive tests or try to object, and you will get a threatening “Continue Teacher, it is essential that you continue” from administration who get their orders from…? Don’t ask don’t tell, just do it.  Just follow orders. 

Once I made the connection it was deafening- quite literally- no one wanted to change.  Just complain and follow orders. “I’m just doing my job Newson, you don’t want to get fired. We Have to…” ok, but I’m not going to be responsible for it.  

Yea right!  Well I for one acknowledge I was complacent. We all were.  Although science has revealed we feel less guilt when we feel forced, the bottom line is I have to live with my decisions.  

I felt better when I wrote a philosophy/activity/ coloring workbook during tests to keep me sane. It was my defense mechanism from unbearable circumstances.

True or False?

I think more heinous crimes are done out of obedience than rebellion.  True.

"I have NO regrets nor guilt for my part in taking part of those heinous tests?”  False. 


Truth or Dare?

Is a verbal party game with multiple people asking guests to chose- either answer a personal and perhaps embarrassing question- or a dare- a task and perhaps complete an embarrassing challenge.  Both choices exposes players to discomfort. 

As a kid- it was giggling fun.  As an adult- it got me into trouble.  I had to learn some moral and ethical lessons- and I like to keep it innocent. Cleaver, but clean. 

It is truly challenging to create questions and dares that pass a moral and ethical code, which is essential for growth. 

I think it would be fun to make an educational Philosophy, Psychology, History game of Truth or Dare.

Truth? 

What do you want?  What are you afraid of? Why hasn’t it happened?

Dare?

      Finish a project of something you want.  Put it out there- present it.  Make a timeline of 

your life.  

Just some fun ideas on a Two fer Tuesday!

Let’s recap; Quiz time.

Time equals Freedom; Lack of time means lack of freedoms.  Our Time is monopolized.

Therefore…  ______________________ (fill in the blank). 

Trust is vital!  Without trust, there is no honest search for Truth.  Without truth, we are lost. I know it hurts, I know it is scary, but the alternative is worse, me thinks.  Open ended statement: what do you think? ____________________________________.

When does it stop? 40 hour work week? 50 hours? 60?  Work until you are 55? 60? 75? As demands increase from the top-down- bm’s (business model sorts), more pressures and demands will be placed on you.  Slowly, over time. 

Calculate “free-time”. Time over hours and age equals___________________. What is your time “worth”?

Word of the week: Truth 

Essential Meaning of truth

: the real facts about something : the things that are true

Are you telling (me) the truth?

At some point you have to face the simple/hard/honest/plain/naked truth that we failed. Merriam-Webster 

Words Related to truth… for thought:

For G.

For G:

I still have your tiny voice recorded as a podcast.  Although I never posted it, your story continues to haunt me.  You and I never even had a class together.  I met you in study hall.  You were reluctantly  coloring and labeling maps of Asia.

As the study hall teacher, I believed it was more important to establish a relationship with you “troubled” kids. When you started talking to me, I listened.  Teachers were indeed hassling you about your grades.  I witnessed it. Condescending intimidation for a grade. “You just color it!!!” 

Then it was quiet and just you and I chatting- you went on to tell me that at home your family does drugs.  The police and social services have been notified, and that your mom left.  I tried to not look shocked when you said  your dad put a pile of needles on the kitchen table in front of your mom- in front of you and your siblings and said “Pick!  Either drugs or your kids.”  And you said your mom just picked up the needles, didn’t say a word, and left.  You looked so numb when you said, “yea my mom wanted drugs more than us.” 

No, I didn’t remember your brother, who is now homeless.  I hear you when you say you fear the same fate. I wonder where you are now, years later, and I fear the same. 

I wish I could tell you how sad and angry I am that this system failed you so completely.  The people in your life that you should have been able to trust were not there.  Your parents, family, teachers and the do-or die- pressures of the school system failed you. 

We should have protected you.

We should have listened to you.

We should have made You a priority over your grades.

Asia? Really? That is what was so important? I agree G, it was a stupid assignment. 

I hear your voice- that raspy frail voice of a 16 year old who looks and sounds more like a 6th grader.  You came across as confident, and what I suspect is that you simply don’t have much else to lose. 

Thank you for your voice.  It motivates me to continue on this path.  You don’t know me and probably don’t remember me, but I remember you.  I want you to know someone is out there fighting for you G.  I regret not doing more, and you and I both know you are one in many- kids just like you- exhausted in a savage system. 

Follow Up: I heard you were “transferred” to another school. You were to be expelled according to drug policy’s on campus, but that looks bad on the school’s record, so you were quietly hushed out of sight. Misused, abused, again.

There is no try

Do or do not. 

Ok, Yoda. Either, or eh? I’ve been thinking about this and although I agree, I get confused with actions.  It makes me want to quit. Do Not…  but I just can not, not.  I think perhaps it serve as a reminder to fully commit myself to something completely, win or lose.  

My fight to bring awareness, thus transform education is unwavering.  It’s just a matter of how, when and who.  How? One blog at a time.  When? Now.  Who? Me, and why not me?

So what do I Do, do? Write, make videos, continue to poke.  Is that enough? Probably not, but it’s the doing that’s the thing.  Or in my case, the undoing, the do-nothing IS the doing.  
Do Less, BE More.  And again, for those skeptics that think doing less is “an easy way out”, you may be right. And then again, go ahead and give that a ‘try’.  “Try” to “do not.”  

Take an hour lunch for your self by yourself. Do as little as possible and then don’t tell anyone.  No excuses, no rattling a list of ‘all the important things you Have to do today’… Do not speak.  Sit in silence.  Just be aware, even for an hour.  Do or do not, then ask yourself Why? 

To Try is to “sit in judgement” “subject to strain” Etymological Dictionary. Tried and True means to keep the struggle for the truth.

https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=try

“I Tried”

There is a scene in the movie-“One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest” where Jack Nicholson is in an industrial shower room with other patience of a mental institution.  There is a huge marble water fountain in the middle of the room.  McMurphy (Nicholson), antagonizes the other patience by making a bet that he can lift the sink, throw it out the window, and escape- to watch a base ball game.

He struggles and heaves with no avail.  The water station is fixed.  He knew it was an impossible bet.  He knew the sink would be too much, too heavy to lift.  He leaves the room saying: 

“But I tried, didn’t I, God Damn it, at least I did that.”

For over a year I have been thinking of that scene.  I know challenging the education system is futile.  It’s a Goliath.  It’s my sink.  

The patience in the movie were self-committed.  Too afraid to face the world.  Learned helplessness sets in and patience, like dogs stop even trying to live.  To live without medication, or a lobotomy.  Numb to the outside world.

The mental institution is cruel.  Most institutions are cruel.  “See something, say something” is a school saying about bullies. I’m seeing mistreatment on.a massive scale, and trying to say something.  Try. Hmph. 

I feel like Jack.  Up against a beast, but I have to try, right?  At least I can say I did that.